This is a phrase uttered by children everywhere, when they don’t want to eat their veggies, or when they have spent a grueling 10 minutes cleaning their room and want to go out to play. But in essence, they are unhappy with what they are experiencing, and are seeking approval to stop.
With this blog, I am really getting personal, for myself, about my recent experience in uttering the phrase “can I be done now?” in my adult life leading to my latest “uh ha” moment (aka, an epiphany). Let me start by saying I’m fine… those who know and care about me might be concerned reading the start of this one. For me, every experience seems to offer a learning opportunity, and for that I am immensely grateful.
“But Linda,” you might say “you LOVE your life! You say it all the time!” Yes that is very true! I believe I have way more blessings in my life than a lot of people. I grew up in a loving and supportive family. My hubby is my soul mate, offering me the perfect balance of support and challenge. Four wonderful step-children, and six amazing grandchildren. Two loving and entertaining fur babies. And lots of friends and clients with abounding mutual admiration. You might say that I have it all!
So what could the problem be??
Well, here’s the grand reveal… even people like me, who seem to exude positivity, who have a mission in life to help others through their darkness, have their moments when their own light dims. For me, it comes when I am very busy, but my efforts are not bearing fruit. Lots of outreach to prospective students and clients, but often low workshop enrollments, and only a handful of clients every week. And the routine of caring for a home, along with some home projects that have a firm deadline coming due, can make me feel a bit overwhelmed.
My light felt dim a week or so ago. A little depressed? Maybe. Sad? Sort of. Frustrated? Certainly! And I looked up and said “Can I be done now?” I’m not even sure exactly what I meant by that… just looking for a way to leave some of my veggies on the table I guess, and to go out and play.
Well Spirit is so wonderfully supportive in encouraging me in those moments, and gave me two clear signs…
The first sign: “Linda, you are needed…”
Within hours of me uttering those words, two different clients – some of my “regulars” – reached out to me in different ways, asking for support. These people do not know each other. Each was facing a challenge in some way, and sought me out to talk them off the ledge so to speak.
I love these people, and I am soooo grateful that I was available to them in the moment. And they have no idea how much they also helped me, in the moment, showing me that I certainly cannot be done any time soon.
I have work to do, and by the way the metaphoric vegetables on my plate are delicious and nourishing!
So that was sign #1.
The second sign: “Be careful what you ask…”
The second sign came in the wee hours the next morning. I woke up around 5:00am with a stabbing pain, right where my beautiful heart beats in my chest. I heard my husband stir and could tell that he was somewhat awake, so I said “my chest hurts”. We had a calm discussion about the specific symptoms – Mike was so compassionate and I could feel his love. But the pain seemed to be getting worse, radiating further out, and up to my left shoulder.
I took some aspirin, and Mike suggested that we get dressed and head downstairs for a bit. I know he was thinking we might need to head to the ER.
[A little background… I was diagnosed with a slight aneurism a few years ago… nothing that worries me too much as I believe it’s congenital. And my 90-year-old Dad is getting along just fine with his. But still that was in the back of my mind.]
I was worried. Going through my head now was
“I didn’t mean it… I don’t want to be done!”
After a bit of time, with some shoulder rubs from Mike, it began to subside. I realized that the pain was more on the outside of the ribcage… muscular “knots”.. and thankfully not on the inside of the ribcage. And I looked up and said “thank you”. The pain was certainly enough to test me though, and to remind me about my importance here on Earth, as well as my love of life!
What did I learn?
Oh so many lessons from this one! Here are a few off the top of my head:
I am needed and loved.
I am human, and subject to the physical and emotional frailties of a human existence.
Being human helps me to have compassion for my fellow humans, to support them in their times of need.
In my moments of my light being dim, my Divine guides are always there to support me, and to help me to heal and learn.
Feeling overwhelmed is likely a sign that it’s time to cut back and to focus on what really brings me joy (that’s now on my “to do” list to figure out).
Feeling overwhelmed is also likely a sign that it’s time to trust more that everything will work out as it should be.
And finally, I am NOT done yet… not even close to it… and I would like more vegetables please!
I know YOU are not done yet either!
What have you learned from those moments of feeling low? How has this helped to turn up the brilliance of your light?
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